Why couples cheat on each other - No 4

4. Outright denial of marital dues: can lead to either of the spouses cheating on each other. When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex, due to one flimsy excuse or the other; there is a possibility of seeking for such outside the home. The bible never support spouses denying themselves their marital rights, it rather states that we do not have right of ownership over our bodies when it comes to sex.

Even in the event of fasting and prayer, it must be mutually agreed and the consent of your partner must be sought to avoid sex. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding become an essential or scarce commodity in the home, as there is a likelihood of searching for such outside by all means; because, really, they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, they are things we need so as to grow, things that we cannot do without.

SOLUTION
Human beings are products of love and respond to affectionate gestures. Do not argue that you are not romantic or it is not in our culture, learn to appreciate your spouse in little or big things they do, it is a beautiful action of growth in marriage. Learn to display love and affection at unexpected times. Learn to “out-love” your spouse even when it is obvious they do not deserve to be loved, it is a magic that works wonder. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change. Do not deliberately hoard money, let there be a free flow of money between both of you, even in case of obvious short supply let there be a display of honesty and sincerity; so that temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display right ownership on money, nor should couples personify properties, for instance when a spouse says “you can’t enter my car’’, or “if you are not pleased you can leave my house”, or “don’t touch my television set” etc. Nor should they have the habit of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents, this goes a long way to negatively affect the other party; producing a sense of “I don’t think I belong here.”

We recommend you read the book "5 Love languages" by Gary Chapman. It is available in the bookshops around. Or order through us by sending a mail to healmymarriage@gmail.com.

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Why couples cheat on each other- No 3 reason

3. SHARE CURIOSITY: This sends some spouse to the banking hall of cheating. Curiosity they say kills the cat, this is an instance where a partner wants to out-rightly try out something new, at times it might be for the fun of it or, just to fulfill curiosity and some times to prevent boredom. Most times spouses do not just get curious un-necessarily, or deliberately want to cheat on their partner, it might just be because their other partner is not being sensitive to their sexual desires, cravings and needs and out of boredom want to try out something new, something spicy, something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out from the daily routine of having sex only in the bed-room with the light out on the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I’m sure you might want to laugh this statement off thinking it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on themselves, you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has being done and the worst has caught up on them.

Spouses should not take themselves for granted thinking ‘once married, ever-committed’. Ideally, our spouse should be committed to us after marriage but this is not a criterion for us to assume that we should neglect our sexual responsibilities. With the erroneous belief that all is well; the monotony that arises from taking each other for granted most times lead to spouses cheating on themselves. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; what goes up do not necessarily come down some times. The law of gravity says what goes up must come down, but when the law of aerodynamics came it says what goes up stays up.

SOLUTION.
What we are saying in essence is, be a sensitive lover; be able to code and decode your partner, learn ways to spice up your marriage bed, look for avenue to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning; marriage is sweet do not lose your partner to insensitivity.

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REASON 2: WHY COUPLES CHEAT

2. FAULTY COURTSHIP: It is also advisable not to parch up a problematic or faulty courtship, if there are obvious reasons not to solemnize a relationship while still in courtship, please break up. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Let’s examine it, why do people long for marriage? Firstly, a desire for a committed relationship based on a readiness to be a blessing to someone else. Secondly, a desire for marriage can be due to the belief that it will make us complete, secure, and happy or provide something lacking in our lives as single people. Needless to say that this second reason for marriage is not valid. Marriage will make you many things but it is not guaranteed to make you complete, happy or secure NO! If you cannot be happy as a single person you will never be as a married person, this is because the single ’you’ is the same married ‘you’.

No miracle is going to happen at the altar. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy aside God. The only miracle that will happen is for you to work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted us in the choice of partner. Too many times I see singles determined to marry committing themselves to any available person, the result is usually a life time of misery, compromise and cheating on each other and eventually divorce. As much as you will attach so much to marriage it should never be rushed into.

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REASON 1: WHY COUPLES CHEAT

1. FORCED OR TRAPPED INTO MARRIAGE: Couples cheat on each other when one of them has a feeling of being forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Probably due to unwanted pregnancy, or an arranged ‘arrangee’ marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment, this might likely be a reason for either of them to cheat on one another in the relationship. As much as parental advice is important and pastoral counseling is good, and while friendly advice is nice, when it comes to decision making; your own will should be paramount. God who has the final authority over our lives still respect our will. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish or to be married into an arranged marriage. As much as parents want the best for their children when it comes to marriage, it is best to prayerfully guide and help them make the right choice respecting their will. Be man enough to make decision on the choice of your marriage partner, it will go a long way to stabilize your marriage and help you both to weather the storm of life together.

15 Real reasons why couples cheat on each other

 15 REAL REASONS WHY SPOUSES CHEAT ON EACH OTHER- FUNMI AKINGBADE.

Cheating on each other in marriage is a common phenomenon today. One way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their marriage bed. Statistically, records had shown that by the 8th-10th year of marriage 80% of the couples have being sexually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Can our marriage be free from this plague? Can our marriage be affair proof? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be solutions to these causes?  Let us look into some of the causes and solutions.