Why couples cheat on each other - No 4

4. Outright denial of marital dues: can lead to either of the spouses cheating on each other. When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex, due to one flimsy excuse or the other; there is a possibility of seeking for such outside the home. The bible never support spouses denying themselves their marital rights, it rather states that we do not have right of ownership over our bodies when it comes to sex.

Even in the event of fasting and prayer, it must be mutually agreed and the consent of your partner must be sought to avoid sex. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding become an essential or scarce commodity in the home, as there is a likelihood of searching for such outside by all means; because, really, they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, they are things we need so as to grow, things that we cannot do without.

SOLUTION
Human beings are products of love and respond to affectionate gestures. Do not argue that you are not romantic or it is not in our culture, learn to appreciate your spouse in little or big things they do, it is a beautiful action of growth in marriage. Learn to display love and affection at unexpected times. Learn to “out-love” your spouse even when it is obvious they do not deserve to be loved, it is a magic that works wonder. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change. Do not deliberately hoard money, let there be a free flow of money between both of you, even in case of obvious short supply let there be a display of honesty and sincerity; so that temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display right ownership on money, nor should couples personify properties, for instance when a spouse says “you can’t enter my car’’, or “if you are not pleased you can leave my house”, or “don’t touch my television set” etc. Nor should they have the habit of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents, this goes a long way to negatively affect the other party; producing a sense of “I don’t think I belong here.”

We recommend you read the book "5 Love languages" by Gary Chapman. It is available in the bookshops around. Or order through us by sending a mail to healmymarriage@gmail.com.

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