Why couples cheat on each other - No 4

4. Outright denial of marital dues: can lead to either of the spouses cheating on each other. When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex, due to one flimsy excuse or the other; there is a possibility of seeking for such outside the home. The bible never support spouses denying themselves their marital rights, it rather states that we do not have right of ownership over our bodies when it comes to sex.

Even in the event of fasting and prayer, it must be mutually agreed and the consent of your partner must be sought to avoid sex. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding become an essential or scarce commodity in the home, as there is a likelihood of searching for such outside by all means; because, really, they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, they are things we need so as to grow, things that we cannot do without.

SOLUTION
Human beings are products of love and respond to affectionate gestures. Do not argue that you are not romantic or it is not in our culture, learn to appreciate your spouse in little or big things they do, it is a beautiful action of growth in marriage. Learn to display love and affection at unexpected times. Learn to “out-love” your spouse even when it is obvious they do not deserve to be loved, it is a magic that works wonder. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change. Do not deliberately hoard money, let there be a free flow of money between both of you, even in case of obvious short supply let there be a display of honesty and sincerity; so that temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display right ownership on money, nor should couples personify properties, for instance when a spouse says “you can’t enter my car’’, or “if you are not pleased you can leave my house”, or “don’t touch my television set” etc. Nor should they have the habit of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents, this goes a long way to negatively affect the other party; producing a sense of “I don’t think I belong here.”

We recommend you read the book "5 Love languages" by Gary Chapman. It is available in the bookshops around. Or order through us by sending a mail to healmymarriage@gmail.com.

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Why couples cheat on each other- No 3 reason

3. SHARE CURIOSITY: This sends some spouse to the banking hall of cheating. Curiosity they say kills the cat, this is an instance where a partner wants to out-rightly try out something new, at times it might be for the fun of it or, just to fulfill curiosity and some times to prevent boredom. Most times spouses do not just get curious un-necessarily, or deliberately want to cheat on their partner, it might just be because their other partner is not being sensitive to their sexual desires, cravings and needs and out of boredom want to try out something new, something spicy, something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out from the daily routine of having sex only in the bed-room with the light out on the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I’m sure you might want to laugh this statement off thinking it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on themselves, you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has being done and the worst has caught up on them.

Spouses should not take themselves for granted thinking ‘once married, ever-committed’. Ideally, our spouse should be committed to us after marriage but this is not a criterion for us to assume that we should neglect our sexual responsibilities. With the erroneous belief that all is well; the monotony that arises from taking each other for granted most times lead to spouses cheating on themselves. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; what goes up do not necessarily come down some times. The law of gravity says what goes up must come down, but when the law of aerodynamics came it says what goes up stays up.

SOLUTION.
What we are saying in essence is, be a sensitive lover; be able to code and decode your partner, learn ways to spice up your marriage bed, look for avenue to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning; marriage is sweet do not lose your partner to insensitivity.

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