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8. Pressure of negative influence. Weak willed partner who cannot take decision by themselves without either consulting their friends or family may invariably fall into the hand of bad friends and wrong advisers. They may end up yielding to the pressure of negative influence and start cheating on their partners. Show me your friend and I know who you are, also, evil communication corrupt good manners. The best friend of a married woman should not be a single lady or a divorcee that is proud to be one. Also, a married man’s best friend should not be a divorcee or a single father. They can only send out the wrong influence on you consciously or unconsciously. Watch out for friends.
9. Infertility. Infertility, due to health problems such as low sperm count, sexually transmitted diseases leading to pelvic inflammatory diseases [PID], uterine tumour or growth, or ovarian tumour or some infertility-oriented problems may cause cheating in some marriages. Infertility can be due to spiritual problems, and sometimes either of the party may be unwilling to wait any longer. You first need to identify the problem first, is it physical or spiritual? What medical advice have you sought? It can some times be due to your past history especially for women who may have aborted or do such things in the past. It is not a time to fight because there is nothing that God cannot do. Mutually agree on how you can resolve the problem, or go for child adoption or be involved in some other ways to bring up other peoples children.
10. Long separation :Extreme distant relationship, or marriage by correspondence or through phone calls, allowing time of separation to stretch too long may bring temptation in to the life of one or either of the spouses thereby leading to cheating. A man is to cleave to his wife is the first law of marriage. When you are separated from your wife or when you are working in different locations such that you only meet your wife once or twice in a year, then you are inviting the devil to be your partner. If this can be avoided, please avoid it. The pressure of work and creating a future that may not exist for the two of you is not enough reason to be separated for too long. We are still human.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
6. Discouragement: due to the fact that one of the partners is a hard- to- please or difficult individual. Sometimes such a partner is not ready to change in spite of all the effort of the other party. For instance, when the attitude of the wife makes the husband feel less like a man and he wants to prove to himself and his wife; he may sometimes fight back by cheating on her. Or in a situation where the attitude of the husband makes the woman lose confidence in herself, maybe she has always being abused publicly, she has never been appreciated, her dressing is never noticed or her looks commended on. She may want to be positively noticed just for once, she may desire to seek for attention outside the home by falling prey to any outside admirer, such wives could secretly cheat on their husbands just because of the need to be appreciated. A major solution is to discuss your observation with your partner.
7. Temptation. Husbands that cannot wisely, and maturely handle the opposite sex most time fall victim of temptation that normally leads to cheating on their wives. Everybody is being tempted one way or the other, it is left for us as couples to make up our mind on either to have, hold and keep our marriage or become a victim in this area. Most time, couples will save our marriage if we are sincere about the temptation we face and if we honestly share them with our partners. Do not argue that your partner will misunderstand you, handle it wisely, and let your spouse be your best friend and confidant.
SOLUTION
For instance, if you as a husband are being unduly chased by another female colleague at the office or a female customer and you notice she is too close for comfort, you can make your wife handle her calls, text messages or visits, this will definitely send a message to her that she is an intruder. Besides, proudly display your wife’s picture and family picture anywhere, any time. Talk beautifully well about her, let her and not the secretary follow you for most occasions and immediately make your stand known to people about your relationship. If you cannot proudly display your wife’s picture due to one short coming or the other on her side please upgrade her to your level, your marriage is worth fighting for because, it’s going to be your security at old age.
Beware of un-due closeness and friendliness with the opposite sex leading to some irresistible temptations; you are still flesh and blood. This also goes to the wife, do not be un-duly attracted to another man; if you must seduce a man, do seduce your husband. Do not fall prey to being over- flattered by another man, it may lead to some irresistible temptation. Couples who ignorantly leave their home to chances thinking all is well; may not be doing a good job by being over-confident about issues relating to their marriage.
7. Temptation. Husbands that cannot wisely, and maturely handle the opposite sex most time fall victim of temptation that normally leads to cheating on their wives. Everybody is being tempted one way or the other, it is left for us as couples to make up our mind on either to have, hold and keep our marriage or become a victim in this area. Most time, couples will save our marriage if we are sincere about the temptation we face and if we honestly share them with our partners. Do not argue that your partner will misunderstand you, handle it wisely, and let your spouse be your best friend and confidant.
SOLUTION
For instance, if you as a husband are being unduly chased by another female colleague at the office or a female customer and you notice she is too close for comfort, you can make your wife handle her calls, text messages or visits, this will definitely send a message to her that she is an intruder. Besides, proudly display your wife’s picture and family picture anywhere, any time. Talk beautifully well about her, let her and not the secretary follow you for most occasions and immediately make your stand known to people about your relationship. If you cannot proudly display your wife’s picture due to one short coming or the other on her side please upgrade her to your level, your marriage is worth fighting for because, it’s going to be your security at old age.
Beware of un-due closeness and friendliness with the opposite sex leading to some irresistible temptations; you are still flesh and blood. This also goes to the wife, do not be un-duly attracted to another man; if you must seduce a man, do seduce your husband. Do not fall prey to being over- flattered by another man, it may lead to some irresistible temptation. Couples who ignorantly leave their home to chances thinking all is well; may not be doing a good job by being over-confident about issues relating to their marriage.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Why couples cheat on each other- No 5 reason
5. Vengeance is another deadly reason spouses cheat on themselves and this is most common among the wives (sorry to say). Wives become revengeful when they have being hurt, wounded, abused, disvalued, mistreated and bastardized by their husband and they want to get back at their husbands at all cost due to the root of bitterness that had sprung up as a result of the hurts. Sometimes because they just want to “show” their husband or get even with them you see such wives cheat on their husbands. They give up on their marriage vows, throw caution to the wind and allow the devil to take the better part of their reasoning. The greatest enemy of love in marriage is un-forgiveness. One area spouses should be very alert in their union is the area of un-forgiveness and vengeance. When it comes to forgiveness in marriage we, as the offended spouse should keep on forgiving. It is only in the marital union you may be offended 490 times according to the answer Jesus gave Peter. But do you know that marriage is a union of two great forgivers and not two great lovers? Relationships that are outstanding grow on forgiveness and not on perfection! Whatever might be the offence of your spouse, forgive and do not think of revenge. I’m sure his or her offence might be great but please still do forgive, that is the only way you can have inner peace and also save your marriage.
THE EFFECT OF VENGEANCE
Couples who harbour un-forgiveness against each other hardly do anything good together. The only place where prayer of agreement works faster is within the home of the married, because your husband or wife is your divinely appointed permanent prayer partner. With un-forgiveness in a home spouses retard the growth and progress of that marriage and the relationship. It is in such homes you see lack of productivity, hostility, unfruitfulness and barrenness. In-fact children from such homes are rarely happy.
SOLUTION
Do not keep records of wrong, God only forgive your trespasses to the degree you forgive your partner, when you do not release him or her, God allows the devil also to hold you in captivity; until you forgive you are not forgiven, period! Mind you, you do not have right of ownership on vengeance or revenge; only God has it, and that is why he said vengeance is mine. The heaviest load any spouse can carry is grudge, but if you quit nursing grudge it will surely die. The moment you make up your mind to cheat on your spouse because you think you want to pay him back, the devil has gotten the better part of your home and life. He knows the game and he plays it smarter than you, when you give him an inch he goes a mile, he will definitely help to destroy your home more than the access you think you gave him; he comes to kill, steal, and destroy and you will DEFINITELY be the loser on the long run.
Remember the song, "Forgive, don't let it live..."
We welcome your comments on this article.
THE EFFECT OF VENGEANCE
Couples who harbour un-forgiveness against each other hardly do anything good together. The only place where prayer of agreement works faster is within the home of the married, because your husband or wife is your divinely appointed permanent prayer partner. With un-forgiveness in a home spouses retard the growth and progress of that marriage and the relationship. It is in such homes you see lack of productivity, hostility, unfruitfulness and barrenness. In-fact children from such homes are rarely happy.
SOLUTION
Do not keep records of wrong, God only forgive your trespasses to the degree you forgive your partner, when you do not release him or her, God allows the devil also to hold you in captivity; until you forgive you are not forgiven, period! Mind you, you do not have right of ownership on vengeance or revenge; only God has it, and that is why he said vengeance is mine. The heaviest load any spouse can carry is grudge, but if you quit nursing grudge it will surely die. The moment you make up your mind to cheat on your spouse because you think you want to pay him back, the devil has gotten the better part of your home and life. He knows the game and he plays it smarter than you, when you give him an inch he goes a mile, he will definitely help to destroy your home more than the access you think you gave him; he comes to kill, steal, and destroy and you will DEFINITELY be the loser on the long run.
Remember the song, "Forgive, don't let it live..."
We welcome your comments on this article.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Why couples cheat on each other - No 4
4. Outright denial of marital dues: can lead to either of the spouses cheating on each other. When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex, due to one flimsy excuse or the other; there is a possibility of seeking for such outside the home. The bible never support spouses denying themselves their marital rights, it rather states that we do not have right of ownership over our bodies when it comes to sex.
Even in the event of fasting and prayer, it must be mutually agreed and the consent of your partner must be sought to avoid sex. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding become an essential or scarce commodity in the home, as there is a likelihood of searching for such outside by all means; because, really, they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, they are things we need so as to grow, things that we cannot do without.
SOLUTION
Human beings are products of love and respond to affectionate gestures. Do not argue that you are not romantic or it is not in our culture, learn to appreciate your spouse in little or big things they do, it is a beautiful action of growth in marriage. Learn to display love and affection at unexpected times. Learn to “out-love” your spouse even when it is obvious they do not deserve to be loved, it is a magic that works wonder. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change. Do not deliberately hoard money, let there be a free flow of money between both of you, even in case of obvious short supply let there be a display of honesty and sincerity; so that temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display right ownership on money, nor should couples personify properties, for instance when a spouse says “you can’t enter my car’’, or “if you are not pleased you can leave my house”, or “don’t touch my television set” etc. Nor should they have the habit of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents, this goes a long way to negatively affect the other party; producing a sense of “I don’t think I belong here.”
We recommend you read the book "5 Love languages" by Gary Chapman. It is available in the bookshops around. Or order through us by sending a mail to healmymarriage@gmail.com.
How do you rate this write-up? We value your response.
Even in the event of fasting and prayer, it must be mutually agreed and the consent of your partner must be sought to avoid sex. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding become an essential or scarce commodity in the home, as there is a likelihood of searching for such outside by all means; because, really, they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, they are things we need so as to grow, things that we cannot do without.
SOLUTION
Human beings are products of love and respond to affectionate gestures. Do not argue that you are not romantic or it is not in our culture, learn to appreciate your spouse in little or big things they do, it is a beautiful action of growth in marriage. Learn to display love and affection at unexpected times. Learn to “out-love” your spouse even when it is obvious they do not deserve to be loved, it is a magic that works wonder. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change. Do not deliberately hoard money, let there be a free flow of money between both of you, even in case of obvious short supply let there be a display of honesty and sincerity; so that temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display right ownership on money, nor should couples personify properties, for instance when a spouse says “you can’t enter my car’’, or “if you are not pleased you can leave my house”, or “don’t touch my television set” etc. Nor should they have the habit of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents, this goes a long way to negatively affect the other party; producing a sense of “I don’t think I belong here.”
We recommend you read the book "5 Love languages" by Gary Chapman. It is available in the bookshops around. Or order through us by sending a mail to healmymarriage@gmail.com.
How do you rate this write-up? We value your response.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Why couples cheat on each other- No 3 reason
3. SHARE CURIOSITY: This sends some spouse to the banking hall of cheating. Curiosity they say kills the cat, this is an instance where a partner wants to out-rightly try out something new, at times it might be for the fun of it or, just to fulfill curiosity and some times to prevent boredom. Most times spouses do not just get curious un-necessarily, or deliberately want to cheat on their partner, it might just be because their other partner is not being sensitive to their sexual desires, cravings and needs and out of boredom want to try out something new, something spicy, something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out from the daily routine of having sex only in the bed-room with the light out on the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I’m sure you might want to laugh this statement off thinking it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on themselves, you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has being done and the worst has caught up on them.
Spouses should not take themselves for granted thinking ‘once married, ever-committed’. Ideally, our spouse should be committed to us after marriage but this is not a criterion for us to assume that we should neglect our sexual responsibilities. With the erroneous belief that all is well; the monotony that arises from taking each other for granted most times lead to spouses cheating on themselves. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; what goes up do not necessarily come down some times. The law of gravity says what goes up must come down, but when the law of aerodynamics came it says what goes up stays up.
SOLUTION.
What we are saying in essence is, be a sensitive lover; be able to code and decode your partner, learn ways to spice up your marriage bed, look for avenue to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning; marriage is sweet do not lose your partner to insensitivity.
We will love to hear from you. Make your comments below.
Spouses should not take themselves for granted thinking ‘once married, ever-committed’. Ideally, our spouse should be committed to us after marriage but this is not a criterion for us to assume that we should neglect our sexual responsibilities. With the erroneous belief that all is well; the monotony that arises from taking each other for granted most times lead to spouses cheating on themselves. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; what goes up do not necessarily come down some times. The law of gravity says what goes up must come down, but when the law of aerodynamics came it says what goes up stays up.
SOLUTION.
What we are saying in essence is, be a sensitive lover; be able to code and decode your partner, learn ways to spice up your marriage bed, look for avenue to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning; marriage is sweet do not lose your partner to insensitivity.
We will love to hear from you. Make your comments below.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
REASON 2: WHY COUPLES CHEAT
2. FAULTY COURTSHIP: It is also advisable not to parch up a problematic or faulty courtship, if there are obvious reasons not to solemnize a relationship while still in courtship, please break up. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Let’s examine it, why do people long for marriage? Firstly, a desire for a committed relationship based on a readiness to be a blessing to someone else. Secondly, a desire for marriage can be due to the belief that it will make us complete, secure, and happy or provide something lacking in our lives as single people. Needless to say that this second reason for marriage is not valid. Marriage will make you many things but it is not guaranteed to make you complete, happy or secure NO! If you cannot be happy as a single person you will never be as a married person, this is because the single ’you’ is the same married ‘you’.
No miracle is going to happen at the altar. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy aside God. The only miracle that will happen is for you to work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted us in the choice of partner. Too many times I see singles determined to marry committing themselves to any available person, the result is usually a life time of misery, compromise and cheating on each other and eventually divorce. As much as you will attach so much to marriage it should never be rushed into.
We welcome your comments or e-mail: healmymarriage@gmail.com
No miracle is going to happen at the altar. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy aside God. The only miracle that will happen is for you to work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted us in the choice of partner. Too many times I see singles determined to marry committing themselves to any available person, the result is usually a life time of misery, compromise and cheating on each other and eventually divorce. As much as you will attach so much to marriage it should never be rushed into.
We welcome your comments or e-mail: healmymarriage@gmail.com
Monday, October 19, 2009
REASON 1: WHY COUPLES CHEAT
1. FORCED OR TRAPPED INTO MARRIAGE: Couples cheat on each other when one of them has a feeling of being forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Probably due to unwanted pregnancy, or an arranged ‘arrangee’ marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment, this might likely be a reason for either of them to cheat on one another in the relationship. As much as parental advice is important and pastoral counseling is good, and while friendly advice is nice, when it comes to decision making; your own will should be paramount. God who has the final authority over our lives still respect our will. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish or to be married into an arranged marriage. As much as parents want the best for their children when it comes to marriage, it is best to prayerfully guide and help them make the right choice respecting their will. Be man enough to make decision on the choice of your marriage partner, it will go a long way to stabilize your marriage and help you both to weather the storm of life together.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
15 Real reasons why couples cheat on each other
15 REAL REASONS WHY SPOUSES CHEAT ON EACH OTHER- FUNMI AKINGBADE.
Cheating on each other in marriage is a common phenomenon today. One way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their marriage bed. Statistically, records had shown that by the 8th-10th year of marriage 80% of the couples have being sexually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Can our marriage be free from this plague? Can our marriage be affair proof? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be solutions to these causes? Let us look into some of the causes and solutions.
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